Monday, April 16, 2012

Why can't I see it?

A number of people have made comments about how brave I am or how amazing it is that I'm doing IVF for the 3rd time.  Or how they could never do it or how hard it must be.  I even had a very wonderful friend make me my own Certificate for Being Awesome and Rocking (thanks Cassie!).

I always give them this quizzical look, something like "huh?".  I just don't feel that way.  And maybe I don't because I don't want to build it up in my mind as something that's really difficult (even though it is) and therefore build up my anxiety.  I'm partially afraid of losing my nerve and calling the whole thing off.  It takes a lot of fortitude to stick yourself with needles multiple times a day or to trust someone else to do that to you.  And it's not helping that I have a lot of time to think about this before we get started.

And maybe I don't because there are people who have had much more heartache and gone through much more than I ever had to.  I've been very fortunate to never have experienced a miscarriage, and I'm also very fortunate that I have a fairly good idea of what is causing our infertility.  Many couples have experienced both, and my heart goes out to them.

I'm no hero, and I'm definitely not in line for sainthood.  At the end of the day I'm just like any other person trying to build their family and find that missing piece to the puzzle.

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